Memories
by Margaret Henson
Summary: Harry Potter is confronted with the past at his graduation party from Hogwarts.


A/N: These peeps belong to J. K. Rowling.

Memories

Having finally survived their seventh year, Ron, Harry, and Hermione were enjoying their graduation bash. Professor Dumbledore had recruited all the staff to help chaperone, not that any would want to miss quite a celebration. He glanced around the room and saw Harry joking with his friends. He found it hard to believe that the baby he had once put on the Dursley's doorstep was now the seventeen-year-old Gryffindor who was heading off to better things. Dumbledore caught Harry's eye and beckoned him over.

"Hello, Professor!"

"Harry," the old man nodded.

"Say, what's in the punch bowl?"

"Pumpkin juice," replied the headmaster.

"Yes, and what else?"

Dumbledore smiled and looked over his glasses. "More pumpkin juice."

"Ah, well."

"What are you going to do next with yourself?"

"Well, Professor McGonagall has me trained for Auror."

"Wise choice indeed." Dumbledore paused then put a hand on Harry's shoulder and added, "Your parents would be very proud if they could see you now."

Tears welled in Harry's eyes and he quickly looked away from the Headmaster. "Yeah, I guess so if . . . " Suddenly the dam burst, and he found himself crying into Dumbledore's robes.

Patting him on the back, Albus whispered, "Brace up, here come your friends."

"Hey, mate, what's wrong?" Ron asked.

"Harry?" Hermione put her hand on his.

They both looked at Dumbledore who said, "I think it's just the emotional strain of the day. He'll be all right soon."

"Yeah, it's just excitement," Harry lied.

"Erm, okay . . . Look, Mum and Dad want to take some pictures so . . . if you could join us later?" Hermione implored.

"Fine. That'll be great. I'll see you then."

He watched as Ron and Hermione went to talk to her parents then sniffed, "Thanks, Professor."

The headmaster nodded and knew what he must do.

As the party was nearing the end and most of the pictures had been taken, Harry looked around at the faculty with fondness—then there was Professor Snape. Would Harry miss him? Probably not, but Professor Sprout, Professor McGonagall, Madam Hooch were on his list of "most likely to provoke good memories." He swore he saw Remus Lupin standing at the edge of the room. Harry squinted through his glasses and saw his friend waving to him.

Rushing over, Harry said, "Hey Remus! I thought I was going to Grimmauld Place later."

"Yes, well, plans have changed,"

"Nothing's wrong, is it?"

"No, just thought I'd talk to you privately if you don't mind."

"Er . . . sure Remus. Let me tell Dumbledore where I'm going—"

"He knows, Harry." Lupin saidas hemotioned to the Headmaster, who merely nodded and waved them on.

They walked to the courtyard and sat upon a bench.

Harry sighed and asked, "What do you want to talk about? My conversation with Dumbledore and your coming here are connected, aren't they?"

Lupin cleared his throat and replied, "Yes, you're right. After you broke down, he sent me an owl to come now."

Harry could feel his cheeks flush. "What, he doesn't think baby Harry is a big boy yet?"

Shaking his head, Lupin said, "Harry, it's not that, believe me. Albus knows what you've been through during your time here, and we all know you are more than capable of watching after yourself. Tell me, why did you break down like that?"

Not meeting his friend's eyes, Harry said, "He told me my parents would be proud if they . . . "

His voice trailed, and a weight lay on his chest.

"Could be here?" Lupin suggested.

"If they could see me, yeah. Also, I was the only one without parents tonight. Even Neville has a relative who came, but I . . . I don't have _anybody_." He jerked his head up, eyes welling with angry tears. "Do you know what that feels like?" he demanded of Lupin.

"Harry, I know—"

"NO—YOU—DON'T!" he shouted. "WHY DID VOLDEMORT KILL MY PARENTS? HUH, REMUS? WHY MINE? IT SUCKS BEING 'THE BOY WHO LIVED'!" Lupin sat quietly and let Harry vent. "I'D RATHER HAVE DIED WITH THEM!" He burst into sobs and pounded the stone bench with his fist. Meeting Lupin's gaze, he cried, "I n-n-never got to know them, Remus! I n-n-never got to love them! I have s-s-so much to say to them, but I'll n-n-never get that chance,"--his breaths came in heavy gasps—"_because that bastard killed them!"_ He took off his glasses and cried into his hands.

Lupin put an arm around his shoulder and Harry leaned against him.

"I know what it's like to lose people you love, Harry. Believe this, it's no easier to lose someone you did get to know than it is to lose someone you didn't. Among others, I lost Sirius and your parents. It's something you never get over."

He paused, uncertain as to whether he should tell Harry what he's kept in his heart.

Meeting his gaze, Lupin exhaled deeply and said, "I lost your mother twice, Harry."

"What?"

"Your mother and I . . . dated . . . for a while, then she fell in love with your father." Not getting a response from Harry, Lupin pressed on. "I always thought she was the most beautiful girl to grace the campus. With that red hair and those green eyes, she had every guy throwing himself at her. I know I did—a little too hard, perhaps. I accidentally tripped her and she fell, ripping her book bag." Lupin shook his head and laughed. "If it hadn't been for the fact she already liked me, she would have probably shoved my wand up my butt."

Becoming serious, he continued. "As I said before, she was there for me when no one else was. She was the kindest person I had ever met, always standing up for people."

"Yeah, like _Snape_." Harry snorted, remembering the pensieve from his failed attempt at Occlumency lessons with the Potions master.

"He was a very different person then, Harry," Lupin reminded him. "Anyway, she and I grew close and I gave her my prefect's badge and we went steady . . . Feel free to throw up if the urge strikes you." He pointed to the nearby hedge.

"No, I'm fine," Harry assured him, sitting cross-legged on the bench.

"During the holidays, we discovered that the other had stayed behind, so we had a chat by the fire in the common room. You know how empty the castle gets around that time. I looked into your mother's eyes and something in my heart spoke to me."

"Uh, Remus? Would you mind calling her by name? It feels creepy when you refer to her as my mother."

"Oh, yes. Forgive me, Harry. Lily and I gazed into each other's eyes and she gave me this sly smile and suggested we go to my room, which we did, and—What?" Lupin noticed that Harry had a slightly nauseated look on his face.

In an even tone, Harry asked,_ "You shagged my mother?"_

"Harry, Lily and I were kids! Hormones run rampant at Hogwarts. You just proved it by jumping ahead of me. But yes, I did have sex with Lily. Her name was still Evans, remember?"

Harry's ears turned pink. "Yeah, erm, sorry."

"In my heart, I believe that's what made my losing her so painful. We reached our seventh year, James decided to shape up, and he won Lily for his efforts. When she broke up with me, we decided it was best. James was a true animagus and I was—and still am—a werewolf. He could give her a better future. I couldn't have agreed more; she deserved it."

"Did . . . did she give back your badge?"

Lupin gave a heavy sigh. "No, she asked if she could keep it, oddly enough. She said she wanted a souvenir of our times together. Sweet girl." Hestood and leaned against a tree. Lowering his voice, hesaid, "When Voldemort killed your parents, I lost Lily again. This time it would be forever. I searched the remains of the house and found this." He held out a small package, and Harry looked at him curiously. "Here, take it," Lupin implored.

Harry opened the parcel and a small silver badge fell into his hand.

"Yours?" he asked, looking up.

"Hers," Lupin corrected him, shaking his head.

Harry saw "HG" on the front of the badge and turned it over. The back read _"Lily Evans, Gryffindor."_ His heart skipped a beat. At last he had something that belonged to his mother.

"I found my prefect's badge as well. Lily kept it in a jewellery box with that one."

Harry stared at his mother's badge, turning it around in his hand. Finally he looked up.

"Th-thanks, Remus," he choked out. He threw his arms around Lupin and wept softly.

Lupin hugged him and said, "I've been hanging on to that for years, debating when I should give it to you."

"Don't you mean 'if'?"

"No, Harry, it's always belonged to you. Tonight, Dumbledore gave me the opportunity to return it," Lupin smiled.

"I trust you're all right now, Harry?" asked Professor Dumbledore, stepping out of the shadows.

"Creepy how he does that!" Harry whispered to Lupin with a faint grin.


End file.
